If all you do is repeat back what is said to you – whether it is paraphrased or not – then you may well sound like a parrot. The idea is to genuinely listen and then feed-back, not merely restate what they have just said.

Before I give an example of what this may look like, it is worth bearing in mind that we are only feeding back, on average, the last 2 words said. So, it would sound nothing like this poor stereotype of a Counselling session:

Client: “I just feel so alone and depressed.”

Therapist: “So, you are feeling depressed and as if you have to face this on your own?”

You would more likely sound like this:

“Alone and depressed.”

Even though you are repeating back what is said, you can still do so creatively. The following example demonstrates this well:

Client: “I like the feeling that I’m floating.”

Hypnotist: “Floating.”

C: “Yeah.”

H: “Okay…”

C: “Just dropping everything and floating off on my own.”

H: “And what is that about?”

C: “I don’t know. Maybe, the ease of it?”

H: “And what do you value about that ease?”

C: “The lack of expectation.”

H: “Mhmm”

C: “And, you know, just completely stress-free”

H: “So, it’s the lack of expectation…”

C: “Yeah.”

H: “Completely stress-free”

C: “Yeah, definitely.”

H: “And what is that like? That dropping everything and floating off on your own?”

So, as you can see, even if all you are doing is feeding back, you can mix your responses round a little, begin or end the sentence with feedback, delay feedback, feed-back partially and link responses together.

However, my experience has consistently been that if you focus more on genuinely listening and worry less about your technique, or what your client may or may not be thinking, it will invariably be welcomed.