You may find that whether you are using the Bandler or Erickson handshake, you always encounter the same problem – heavy arms! This may be down to your technique, though it is more likely to do with the level of confidence and congruence that you are projecting. Or, it may simply be a run of bad luck! Either way, a useful way to proceed, at least until this stops being a regular problem, is to use two hands. You have no doubt seen people, usually in Business, who hold their partner's forearm with one hand, whilst their other hand does the shaking. This is something you can utilise. In fact, with Bandler, it can be perfectly natural to end up...

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Erickson's ambiguous touch does seem to generate its own unique insecurities in some hypnotists. Whether it is the direct eye-gaze, or the presumed clever patter, or the risk that their arm will just fall down, this handshake is often the least practised of the three. And that's a real shame, because it's a whole lot of fun! My confidence-boosting tip – besides, “Practice! Practice! Practice!” - is a little phrase which edges the bets in your favour. Just as you are letting the arm go, simply say, “And that can just stay right there for now...” There are a number of ways to use this, depending on how the induction is proceeding: “And that can just stay right there for...

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You may now want to consider your general approach. Are you setting-up a challenge, that they either resist or feel they cannot live up to? Are you being too permissive, or too direct? You can switch to another induction, such as another handshake, or something related like the 8-word hand-drop. However, if you choose to use a non-arm-based induction (perhaps because your confidence has taken a slight temporary dip), you do not want to switch immediately as it will give the impression that things have failed irretrievably. Instead, pick up their heavy arm by the wrist, shake it slightly and say something along the lines of: “In a moment, I am going to let go of this heavy arm. And...

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Were you clear in your initial instructions/suggestions? It can help to get an explicit agreement from them that they have understood. Additionally, I have found that it helps to nod as you shake, to confirm what they should do. However, there is no point carrying on to the 3rd shake, if they are clearly not even responding to the first one. In this case, you do not want to imply failure on anyone's part. Instead, you will change your shake from single to continuous, or vice-versa as you go through the directions again. Your patter may sound something like this, as you give the impression that this is an experiment that you are both working on and with which you...

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Your best option here is to adjust your technique, utilising their response to opt for a different outcome. A key-phrase to use when things do not go according to plan can empower your client, without implying that they have managed to resist you or that you cannot achieve any results with them. The phrase I commonly use is something like: “Well, I can see that your subconscious is alert and active. [Smile] ...And we can use that… So, let's do this another way… You've got this.” As you can see, I imply that we are changing approaches not because what I did failed, or because they could not do what was expected. Instead, I simply attribute it to their 'active'...

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On occasions, you will come up against someone who intentionally resists you trying to transform a handshake into a hand up in front of their face. There are a couple of reasons why this may be. Firstly, you are opposing their natural movement. Once again, this comes down to avoiding direct oppositional movements in favour of circular blending ones. Additionally, someone trained in martial arts – particularly Aikido, Ju-Jitsu, Wing Chun or Tai Chi – may be highly sensitive to variations in touch, particularly around their wrist and forearm. In that case, the Bandler Handshake is not the most appropriate induction to use, unless you opt for the focused hand variation, or have a high pain threshold! If your partner...

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The first thing to be said is that you are not looking for a direct movement. That is, the intention is not to end up with a hand in front of their face, which you simply push forward. That provides too much movement for your partner to resist against. Instead, aim for more circular movements. This is one of the reasons that we prefer the falling hand, as the hand goes up and over and then down onto their face. The less direct movement gives less cause for resistance. Nevertheless, the second thing to note is that they will only object to you pushing their hand if they don't want it to happen. So, if you have given them no...

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The number one reason why you may encounter little more than a bemused stare following a pattern-interrupt, is poor timing. This is not a case of being a millisecond out, or failing to flow smoothly like an aikido master. I am talking more about what you do following the pattern interrupt. If you just stand there, waiting to see if it 'worked,' you will more than likely be disappointed. Your partner is looking for you to provide them with an explanation and direction. If you simply provide a look that says, “Don't ask me, I don't even know if I did it right!” you will soon lose your opportunity. Just let things flow smoothly. More often than not, even if...

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